Here and There

Mom is right, I should be writing in this just for the sake of having some written documentation of my last week here. I mean...lets face it, my memory sucks. I barely remember yesterday, let alone what I did last year! So here's the skinny:

Last weekend Andreas drove me to Thirsk and we went to the James Herriot Museum! I have wanted to see it ever since I came to England, and since my plan to seek out David Attenborough and give him a hug doesn't look like it's going to pan out, I'm glad to have accomplished the other important thing on my 'must do in England' list. We left after lunch and didn't get back until seven; I always get the scale mixed up. I think, okay England is way small, it takes barely any time to get anywhere--wrong! Anyway, the museum was really nice, it was cool to see the house he lived and worked in, and now when I read the books I can picture it all in my head how it really was! Andy had invited me for festive supper at Botton Farm, so we got back just in time, had a nice supper and...accidentally fell asleep at 9:00! We had intended to go to a gathering at Rowan, the last hurrah for Ben, but, well, oops. Woke up around eight the next morning and Andreas cooked me a nice egg and bacon breakfast and we lazed around until 11. At that point I figured I should go home since I hadn't been there in 24 hours. Things in Rock House are going really well, Lucie and Jonas are really cool, and actually just before writing this I had a nice talk with Lucie. It's cool to have young houseparents who can relate to how I'm feeling. Lucie and I had a long talk about life and love and relationships coming and going in our lives last week on a day I was feeling particularly distraught about leaving Andreas behind me.

This week I had planned on doing a detox diet. For two days I cut out dairy, sugar, gluten (which I obviously shouldnt be eating anyway), caffeine, and alcohol. On the third day I drank just vegetable juice, and the plan was to do so for three days. I felt totally fine with my first day of fasting, not even very hungry. Good willpower too. I even resisted the mother of all chocolate bars. The second day of juice, I woke up feeling like a drug addict in rehab. I was shaking and nauseas and for a brief moment thought I had swine flu and then realized this is a sign of toxins leaving the body. I decided to eat some porrige and go back to being gluten/dairy/sugar free for two more days. Clearly my body has some crap to get rid of, but I think this is not the time or the place to be so incapacitated. Ok, time for farming. Today is the last day to see Geno, he goes on holiday tomorrow, so tonight we are going shooting together! :) Later.

I know

I've lost most of, if not all of my audience. I have been a very bad blogger. But hte truth is, these days I need to ever more involved with the here and now, and thinking about the there and then (aka going home) is immensely painful. Its gotten to the point where my emotional fragility causes fits of crying at the slightest thing. We went to the cinema last night and saw a violent movie that I thought would be kind of violent but still good (Public Enemies, Johnny Depp) and after a while the voilence really got to me...I mean...I was like DAD! I was gripping Andreas's arm so hard I hurt him! Anyway, thats never really happened before, and after the film I was still feeling a bit shaken up, which led to negative thoughts which automatically led straight to 'oh my god i dont want to go home.' My top secret plan of getting pregnant didn't work (just kidding...) but I dont like kids much anyway, so it was kind of a bum plan. So I have to go home. I know it. But I cant face it right now, and writing to all of you back home just reminds me of leaving and that leads to...well, we covered that. So do pardon the lack of entries. I apologize if this poos on anyones blog parade. Wish me luck with this whole coping thing....