Sunday, March 15, 2009

Dropped the other Shoe

I went into the laundry to take my clothes off the line. Paule was folding tea towels. She told me that she had a conversation with the house parents in Tourmaline, and that's where I will move for a few weeks. I will have to move again soon. I said okay, sighed and said I hope I'm doing the right thing. We got into the deep stuff then. She said she thinks I hold a grudge against her for that first incident where she freaked out. I said that's not true at all. I said we've just never been meeting on the same level, just missing a beat and not connecting right. She said, "When you move, you take yourself with you, and really you are not an easy person, it's not just me," or something like that. I hate that she keeps saying things like that. I consider myself a very easy person! I don't hold grudges, I'm flexible, empathetic, gregarious, and a bunch of other nice things and what the hell, my workshop masters seem to recognize this, and she doesn't. She said every time she corrects me for something or gives me a criticism, I get upset, and she said it in a way that made it sounds like my reaction is unreasonable. I should have told her that maybe she should change her approach, but I didn't. I told her I'm intimidated by her, and she said, well maybe so, but it's not like my work improves if she's not around. Whatever.
She wasn't sure when the move will happen. We talked about how we tell the villagers, and I said Claire suggested we just tell everyone at a meal that I will be moving to a different house. Paule then said, "I think we should be honest though, and just tell them that actually you don't like living here." I was like whoaaa hold on no way. I once again told her that I don't want to label this experience as an unhappy one and we shouldn't say I don't like it here. I said we should say I'm moving to experience a different house, which isn't untrue by any means. She said she'd think about it. Whatever.

I'm going horseback riding with Micky in 15 minutes. I'll keep you all posted on the move.

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